We are spending the week in Lake Tahoe with dear friends. Together we will greet the New Year and 2016 will be the first of many without our precious girl.
It feels strange to be here without her. It feels strange to be anywhere without her. But this place, this beautiful, snowy place… is somewhere she never was… so we don’t see her in our memories here. Instead we see her in the snowflakes and the soft glow of the sky at night. We feel her in the calm beauty of winter. She is with us. I am sure of it.
Blake is learning to ski and loving it. He is so happy to be in the snow… in this new place… so I’m trying to not be a nervous wreck as he takes on new challenges. I’ve learned that we have absolutely no control over what happens to any of us. The only control we have in this life is to make sure the ones we love know that we do… every moment of every day.
I will always think of 2015 as the worst year of my life – the worst year of our family’s life. But most of it – up until November 8 – was one of our best years. One day I’ll write about the great times we had as a family, about how Brooke and I became closer than ever as she seemed to grow and mature at light speed before my very eyes. I’ll write about how I saw glimpses of the woman she was destined to become… about how much wisdom she had for someone so very young. For now it hurts too much to put into words.
Our little family will take on a New Year, new experiences and new adventures. But Brooke will be in our hearts and minds the entire time. Because Brooke is always with us, no matter where we go, no matter what we do… forever.