As The School Year Ends

The end of the school year is always bittersweet. As we see our children gleefully advancing to another grade, we long for time to slow down, to stand still. This was us, last year, at Brooke’s Fifth Grade Graduation Ceremony.  I cried happy tears as I watched my girl move on to Middle School. I had no idea that fifth grade would be the last grade she would ever complete.

As this school year ends, there is a huge hole in her Sixth Grade class. She started something that she will never finish. Brooke is forever a Sixth Grader.

This time of year was and still is a flurry of activity. End of the year parties, baseball playoffs, Blake’s birthday. And Brooke’s dance recitals. The ones she won’t be in. The ones with a dance number dedicated to her. She should be on that stage. But she’s not, and her young, beautiful teammates are dancing through their own tears of losing her.

The end of the school year is bittersweet. But this year I will not cry as I watch Blake in our school’s annual “Scoot Back” Ceremony where he moves to Fifth – yes Fifth Grade! I will celebrate that he made it through the entire school year. I will think of the other parents I’ve met on my journey of child loss who are also missing their child’s progression to another grade.

I will slow down and savor every moment of those chaotic days leading up to Summer. To those of you with intact families, no matter how many children you have… please do the same. Please. Just. Enjoy. Every. Incredible. Moment. For sometimes moments are all we get.

As this school year ends, I know Brooke will be at Blake’s “Scoot Back” Ceremony.  She’ll help her brother blow out all 10 candles on his birthday cake. She’ll be the strength her dance team needs as they take the stage in her honor. Because Brooke is always with us, and if we keep her in our hearts, she will forever inspire us to slow down, enjoy life’s precious moments, and be kind to one another – this school year, next school year – forever.





An Invisible Day

I don’t think Brooke would mind me sharing this. She wrote it in fourth grade.

An Invisible Day – By Brooke Randle (2014)

One day I was sound asleep until a strange violet light came into my window. I felt like I was flying but when I looked in the mirror I didn’t see myself. Away I flew through the roof of my house into the cherry pink clouds. Just then I fell onto a rainbow bridge. And there I saw an amazing sight, a clear crystal castle gleaming in the distance.

Wondering why I couldn’t see myself,  I walked on the rainbow bridge and into the gleaming castle. There I saw a king made only of silver. I asked him, “Where am I and how did I become invisible?” He responded in a voice as loud as thunder, “You are in Weather World and when the weatherman was changing the weather he accidently made you invisible. You must go to into his garden to not be invisible anymore.”

I ran through the crystal castle onto the rainbow bridge and into the luscious green garden. I walked quietly through the pebble path and saw a small bluebird resting in an old Oak tree. It flew toward me and surprisingly turned into a tall old man with a beard that seemed as long as an elephant’s trunk. And, with the snap of his fingers, I was back in my bed as the elegant smell of hot cocoa drifted over my head.

I hope Brooke entered a world as beautiful as the one she wrote about.

I wish it were a mistake and a man with a long beard could put her back in her bed.

Perhaps, in her world, that’s exactly where she is, safe in her bed with the elegant smell of hot cocoa drifting over her head.

That’s where I see her right now. Because Brooke may be invisible, but it doesn’t mean she’s gone from our hearts, minds and souls. And I’m going to believe that she feels warm, happy and safe.